Rich People Don't Suck

I would like to start this off by saying Robin Hood is probably the biggest ass hole in childhood literature! And no I don’t mean the movie with the Men in Tights (although the main character in that movie was a pretentious jerk whose bravery was as fake as his heterosexual agenda of being alone and drunk in the woods with a brigade of men. Other than that, you can bet every time Men In Tights comes on Cinemax, I am in there like swimwear). That movie is HILARIOUS! #ImJustSaying

However, back to Robin Hood. This story perpetuates the idea that the rich, who worked hard for their money, have the voluntary or involuntarily obligation to donate it to the less fortunate. Essentially, Robin Hood and society are pro-lifing the wealthy to give their money to the poor. Pardon me but this is just as ridiculous as making a woman have a baby that she does not want. Again, I vote pro-choice.

Secondly, it perpetuates the idea that the poor are completely helpless. They are forever stuck in that unfortunate, disadvantaged state and can only accept handouts. I think this is an unfair assumption of poor people. The last disadvantaged person I met had literally flung himself on my car just to create a reason for him to clean my windshields. Talk about a gimmick! You Betta Work!!

In review, there is an obvious communist agenda in this story. The author, who ironically is not named, seeks to eliminate class distinctions and use Robin Hood as the dictator who decides when working folks have made too much money. And if they resist the urge to literally give away their money, some thief is going to take it from them. Despite the fact that they may be socially responsible in other ways (aka donating clothes, rehabilitating the injured, reading to the blind, whatever), that isn’t the same as cold, hard cash. And they should be punished!

I mean damn. Usually, I am not one to defend the wealthy but this is the Republican in me speaking “that is not right!” Not to be hypocritical but we all, at one point in our lives, envied a rich person for having more than us. But that envy should not drive us to steal from them. That’s 75% insane (and 57% being the reverse of 75% is just a coincidence . . . to those who are paying attention). Note: We, as a country, need to drop our emphasis on materialism and focus on the things in life that matter. Or, if not, try and be more rational.

This brings us into the economics lesson of the day, or my version of Supply and Demand 101:

The basics: The law of demand states that the higher the price of a good, the less people demand that good, and the less there are of that good. (Price ↑, Demand ↓, Supply ↓)
In reverse, as demand for the good rises, a greater supply of the good must rise, and the cost of that good is driven down. (Price ↓, Demand ↑, Supply ↑)

The example: Right now, I am doing well. But I can’t afford a battery-powered car. The price is too high and the manufacturers don’t have a reason to produce more because the demand is not there. (Price ↑, Demand ↓, Supply ↓) But if more rich people bought it, the demand would increase. Then, the manufacturers would have to make more. And obtaining money from their profits, eventually the price would go down. (Price ↓, Demand ↑, Supply ↑).  #BasicShit.

So remember, rich people can sometimes suck. They have more money than us, throw extravagant parties, know attractive people, snort better drugs, and so forth and so on. But WE need THEM to do the things we envy them for. If it wasn’t for them spending their disposable income, then we wouldn’t be able to afford anything. So no! We don’t need to Robin Hood their stuff, eventually we will be able to afford it ourselves. . . Although free ninety nine is tempting.

Plus, who actually wants to be rich? The Producer Formerly Known as Puffy, or The PF Kap, once said “Mo Money, Mo Problems.” If not having money is your only problem, consider yourself lucky. Rich people have like 99 Problems that make them do things like go on Prozac, jump out windows, and kill their spouses (You ever seen Snapped on Lifetime? #TrueStory).

When I reflect on my life, me, myself, personally, the time I was most poor was the most fun. I was in college, broke as a joke, living off of Ramen and whatever I could get for free (Thank You Lecture Series). Yet, I partied every weekend, had amazing times with amazing friends, and learned so much about life. Then I got a job that paid me a shit ton. And now, I am bored out of my mind.

But in truth, when you got money, you don’t really need friends. #RichPeopleProblems. Ehhh, it’s whatever. I’m gonna go get drunk for the fifth time this week and party like a Lonely Rockstar. Deuces!