The President We Deserve

Did you hate Barry that much?  

Did you hate Michelle that much? 

Or was it Hilary you couldn't stand?  

…Not gonna lie… at least that I get…

But that couldn’t have been enough…It was probably the whole gay marriage thing. Or the transgender bathroom thing. That got to be it. Or at least some combination of those.

Cause honestly, it makes no sense why we are here. He DOES NOT care about you. Jesus, he barely cares about himself. He just wants him to love him #KanyeSyndrome #RelationshipGoals. I mean, America you have shown that you really care about who shits next to you… congratulations. Now, you get to lose your ACA benefits (oh btw, Affordable Care Act = Obamacare), your education (Devos the Devil), the environment (Will the EPA have a future?), and God knows what else. We have to take all those L’s, just so you can control who shits next to you. Negotiate much? 

Okay, okay. Let’s reel this back.

If you didn’t already know by now, a Trump presidency is essentially voting against your best interests. #FunFactPeople We, as a whole, are known to ignore logic for something that feels right. We tend to forget about our best interests for things like comfort, ease, and all those other warm, fuzzy feelings. Like skipping homework and watching Netflix. Or adding sugar to your coffee when your mother died of diabetes. Or watching porn on your work computer. Yes these are all stupid and wrong, but they FEEL so right. 

To be honest, I get it mostly. You fear the irrational. You fear change. Although it is way too late, but Dems wouldn't have let a Hilary presidency look like forced pooping in transgender bathrooms while attending Muslim services after volunteering to cater an interracial, gay marriage. Albeit irrelevant and a hell of a tangent, the main point is people FELT like it was. So they voted for a choice that felt right, despite all logic. Sooo, #LessonLearned!

Okay, okay, in the future, let's try this out! The next time you see a D-rating at a taco restaurant, I want you to say Self…yeah… How sure are we that this isn’t rat…Umm about 20% sure… Oh okay. I’ll take the ratatouille special.

At the end of the day, if you're not being logical, you might as well have voted for Trump.

Now I am going to listen to Elle Varner… 

Rap Lyrics Demystified - Young Dro

Guess who's biggidy biggidy bizzack!?! After a long summer packed full of life-changing car crashes coupled with goal re-orientations, I’m back to #OneHunnid! So let us get in it!

Never before have we realized how amazingly deep and ironic the Dro youth, or rapper Young Dro, is and can be. After listening to his new hit jam “We In Da City,” well
1 - I knew it was an immediate success, and
2 - I knew Young Dro is an under-rated rapper inspired by the many hidden truths of our world. Furthermore, it was a deep insight into the ways we, humans, are hurting the ecosystem. Walk with me as I explain the meaning behind the lyrics to the phenomenal song "We In Da City":

Car ain't got no roof
Car ain't got no roof

This is a testament to Dro’s new found understanding of the sky. Not much of a star-seeker myself, I can only appreciate the stellar constellations from a distance (haha get it? #DoubleEntendreOnThatAss...man i'm hilarious). But his emphasis on the car having no roof is directly related to his ability to look up and observe. The metaphor advanced by Dro, simply stated, is that "no roof" means "developing a connection to the sun, stars, moon, and beyond!" Wow. Truly inspiring words, there!

We be in da city
In da city? In da city..

Notice how he asks “in da city” and then responds with “in da city.” Not your typical call-and-response, literary technique. The Youth of Dro is advancing this technique with irony. My dear friends, he is not in the proverbial city, but rather he resides in Mother Nature, among the trees and planets and creatures of the world. So in fact, he asks are you in the homo sapien created city? Because he is in the original, aka the alpha, aka the Genesis city.

All my bitches with it...
Aye aye aye aye

So this is where it gets interesting. Our dear tree-hugger is referring to “bitch” in a completely endearing way. And this female he speaks of is no one but Mother Earth. Oh gosh? Oh yeah! Remarking on how Mother Earth supports us is an act repeated by only the most respectful of humans. Deep, Dro. That was so deep, bruh (insert Kanye-at-the-2015-VMAs-Emphasis).

Uh-oh where your ho at?
Uh-oh where your ho at?

Now, Young Dro-ve-dere is asking us where our ho is at. First, he is speaking on the systematic rape of the earth and calling her a “ho” (which I believe is bold with controversy AND offends the innermost ventricles and atriums of our hearts). Further, he is asking where OUR ho is. See, this is his response to the way WE treat mother earth. Now, will she be your bitch or your ho?...You decide!

We be in da city
All my bitches with it

And of course this is a repeat of his previous sentiments. 

I mean he is most definitely profound and artistic and inspiring. Furthermore, his message is one that should be repeated on the radio stations all day long. Could this be more impactful that Michael Jackson's Earth Song? Hmmm. I can't answer that now. Only time will tell. 

IN short, the earth is beautiful and we need to protect her. AKA I love my Bitch.

You can Acquire and Merge my Ass

Disclaimer:
I apologize in advance if this is not like one of my normal blog posts with an interesting conversation topic or a deep discussion or a lesson at the end. Nope this ain't it. This is me just airing out my anger. And that is all.

Thanks and regards.

Let me start off by saying that acquisitions and mergers, in theory, are a well-planned excursion where two companies decide to become one. Every person from the top CEOs down to the lowly workers are affected and, in a best case scenario, are informed of the changes. The American Airlines US Airways is NOT an example of this case.

We began peacefully, walking up to our designated Kiosks. Two sets of kiosks were available, marked by a divider. One set of kiosks clearly displayed on their screens “if you purchased through American Airlines” and the other set had screens clearly displaying the words “if you purchased through US Airways.”

After using both set of Kiosks with no luck and wasting our precious pre-flight coffee time, we approached ANY attendant. Facing three angry black women, he gently informed us that we had to go down the stairs and use the Kiosks in front of the airlines. One individual, we shall call her Baltimore, is, at this point, swinging her hand in such an aggressive rhythm that a nearby child would be knocked out unconsciously, if in her path. She....was pissed.
You get out of Baltimore's way cuz she aint got the time fo it!

Now angry and upset from having WASTED OUR TIME Internet-ing in the wee hours of the morning just to “check in on-line” (which, it turns out, didn't matter), we made it to a third set of Kiosks. Here we pass through a line of individuals, all equally pissed off and frustrated, who were to board with us. What a fun ride this was going to be.

We go through a process of pulling up our reservations, printing our bag labels, and printing our boarding passes. #SmallSuccess. The screen explains to us that we, not the person paid by the airlines to work at the kiosks, WE, the passengers, were expected to place our own labels on our bags. After 5 minutes of annoying meets MMA-style wrestling with the labels, we resolve this minor inconvenience.

Next, we get in another line to hand our bags to the attendant at the airline desk. Here she checks our Identification and scans our bag labels. And instead of placing the bags on the working conveyor belt behind her (again the belt is right behind her), we are instructed to walk our bags behind the wall and hand it to the AA-USAir Security team. So you don't label the bags and you don't move them to the conveyor belt behind you. You scan the label and smile... So what’s the point of you?

Anyway, walking 10 feet away and around the wall, we hand our bags to the Security team who simply look at our labels and place it on the conveyor belt. Mind you, this is the very same conveyor belt that was behind the GOSH-DARN attendant! How do I know, you may ask? Well I know because I could look down the DAG-NAB conveyor belt and see the DANG-DIDDLY attendant just standing there scanning and smiling at more people.

Anyway, this Security team does no measuring or scanning or checking. They just LOOK at the bag and throw it on the conveyor belt. Again I say, what’s the point of you?

GAHHHHH!

So, at the end of the day, American Airlines/US Airways is a LIAR.
Courtesy of https://www.aa.com/i18n/aboutUs/arriving.jsp

!!!!!!LIES!!!!!!

Magic Eight Ball says Grow Up!

An old parable states “curiosity killed the cat.” Not only is this use of alliteration perfect, but you learn a lesson as well.

Thank you parable writers of day’s old.

Recently, I discovered a new interpretation of this well-known saying. Someone, in a most inquisitive fashion, sought to challenge this sentiment. He/She/Shim simply phrased an equally short but powerful question, “What if the cat is alive?” #Blown

Wait, so you’re telling me, whole time, the infamous death-by-curiosity feline may actually be alive!?!

Fuck you parable writers of day’s old.

Much like the lasting effect of Gone Girl, my socks were forcibly removed from my very own twinkle-toes (Seriously, watch it only after preparing yourself. Your heart may fall out of your chest. However, I digress). Hence, the theme of this blog, un-learn the many lessons of your life to become a real, true A-DULT.

As in the example above, curiosity was something punishable by death. Yet, in my adult years, I have learned that truth-seekers, validaters, spell-checkers, whistle-blowers, auditors, and the like are celebrated, commendable professionals. Therefore, accepting the world at face value may be one of the DUMBEST things a grown adult can do. #FoxNews #ABCNews #TheMajorityOfNewsOutlets

These parables, comparative to the religions of day’s old, were set in place to control minds and prevent unnecessary up-rise. Seriously, anything that tells you to not question it, should be questioned. I’m saying though, can you imagine if parables were people? Like what reason have you given me to trust you? You have to earn my trust! Who the hell are you? You can believe dees nuts…sorry I got carried away. Where was I? Oh yeah.

Moving from adolescent to adulthood requires a recursive step of reviewing the many “nurtured” lessons of your past. The world is very gray, at least 50 shades…haha…I’m hilarious. Seriously, understanding the holistic perspectives of life is ESSENTIAL for survival. Examples include:

•  If we never challenged rules, how would we ever have realized homosexicals deserve to ruin their lives through marriage like heterosexicals?
•  If we never questioned our science, we would think the earth is the center of the universe and we would have not searched for Uranus…hehe…
• If we never thought outside the box, Viagra might be the #1 medication for cardiovascular disease!

And the opposite is true as well. Sometimes, old rules are just as important as they always were. Quick example, eating food is good for your body. Also, breathing is important. Ya know, #basic.

Anyway, the moral of this story is “do NOT think of life like a magic eight ball.” 

To drive life’s decisions down one of twenty options (only 15 of which provide you help #SeeAbove) means you’re not really living. You’re practically dead. So you might as well be curious. I mean, what have you go to lose, other than your life… And what is that cat up to? He’s probably working on the next Viagra. Or he’s dead. Or he’s not. . . I know. 

All up in that cerebellum, I am. #Yoda-edYouGot

Rap Lyrics Demystified - Big Sean

So there has been a lot of talk regarding this song from Sean of a gargantuan nature.  Most claim that these lyrics were written regarding his non-vagina-cleaning, current Glee star, future ex-celebrity, ex-girlfriend Naya Rivera. Those of us who enjoy the phantasm that is Glee, know her as the bossest of the Boss Ass Bitches, or Santana, who, when pushed will go “all Lima heights on your ass.”

That being said, I would like to personally apologize for the ignorance of the many. It is clear that this song is not at all dedicated to Santana (and yes, I will be referring to Naya as Santana because, lesbi-honest, I like Santana more. Naya a dumb ho). This song is most clearly explaining his anger at meat, a choice disregarded by most vegans. Oh, you didn’t know that the Big Bad Sean was Vegan! Well, obviously he’s not tryna tell nobody cause he be bad at it.

Regardless, please find the perfect translation of the meaning to the song “I Don’t F**k with You” by Sir Sean the Big:

I don't fuck with you
You little stupid ass bitch, I ain't fuckin' with you
You little, you little dumb ass bitch, I ain't fuckin' with you
I got a million trillion things I'd rather fuckin' do
Than to be fuckin' with you

For someone who is trying so hard to convince us he doesn’t care, he is failing. If you got a million trillion things (we skip billions round here?) you would rather do, then why are you not doing them? Why would you rather write an entire song about how you have something else to do? #Denial #YouAreCaught

Little stupid ass, I don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck
I don't I don't I don't give a fuck
Bitch I don't give a fuck about you or anything that you do
Don't give a fuck about you or anything that you do

So the repetition is nice. It’s almost like you’re trying to pound a concept into our heads. The song hasn’t begun yet, but I have already seen the words “little” 4 times, “bitch” 3 times, “stupid/dumb” 3 times, and some iteration of the phrase “not fuck[ing] with you” 9 times. So it is clear to me that I am small, unintelligent, and not to be messed with. #GotIt

I heard you got a new man, I see you takin' a pic
Then you post it up, thinkin' that it's makin' me sick, brr, brr
I see you calling, I be makin' it quick
I'mma answer that shit like "I don't fuck with you"

So unless this “girl” posted a pictured with a caption saying “for Sean Grande,” why would he think it’s for him? Oh Seany-boo, I think you’re forcing this logic a little bit and even logic rape is rape. Anyway, 95% of my posted pics are of food, so I will assume this is the standard for the rest of the Internet. So, quick recap, the chick posts up a food pic and he automatically assumes it’s for him. Sounds like the vegan diet you just adopted is making you paranoid.

Bitch I got no feelings to go
I swear I had it up to here, I got no ceilings to go
I mean for real, fuck how you feel
Fuck your two cents if it ain't goin' towards the bill, yeah

Well you do have feelings, i.e. this entire song. So the lie detector determined that was lie. And then you get so mad that you exclaim “fuck your two cents if it ain’t goin’ towards the bill.” This line is obviously a statement about the grocery bills. If your meat-lovers-money needs to be going to anyone, it should be going to Largo Sean’s Bill.

And everyday I wake up celebratin' shit, why?
'Cause I just dodged a bullet from a crazy bitch, I
Stuck to my guns, that's what made me rich
That's what put me on, that's what got me here
That's what made me this

So now, he is reflecting on his vegani-progress. He has dodged the advances of the ham-hocking society that we all love and know and he is focusing on his amazing financial savings (#SaladBeCheap) and brand new sexy body (#KaleSmoothies).

And everything that I do is my first name
These hoes chase bread, aw damn, she got a bird brain
Ain't nothin' but trill in me, aw man, silly me
I just bought a crib, three stories, that bitch a trilogy

He is again reflecting on the type of meat-eaters he does not like, the type of money he does have, and how generally he’s just a regular ole rapping, vegan, rich man.

And you know I'm rollin' weed that's fuckin' up the ozone
I got a bitch that text me, she ain't got no clothes on
And then another one text, then your ass next
And I'm gonna text your ass back like

The “weed” reference here is obviously a play on words. He is referring to his vegan diet and how it does so many great things for the environment. Essentially, Sean here is reminding us that the over-powerful meat industry is manufacturing animal carcusses, emitting toxins into our earth, and controlling our politicians with their insane advancements in money and power. The only way to truly stop the meat-industry-ass-holes is to remove their privilege and power from underneath them, i.e. adopt a vegan diet. Oh and he also mentions a naked woman (probably some hippie) and another lady that supports his cause. Nice activism Sean the Large.

As a result, he mad he missing the bacon. Thas all. My advice to you, Mr. Sean, is to first reduce the type of meat before completely cutting out all the meat. Try limiting yourself to poultry and then go vegetarian and then go vegan. But cold turkey, man its gonna make you a hot Dog! (yeah, it was corny but I did it anyway...)

Acceptable Insanity

So I was sitting up one night and started thinking, what if everyone was insane? Like, I don’t do drugs, other than the occasional liquor lick, but I was just thinking what if everyone was an undiagnosed nutjob roaming the streets?

Like what if we all had a little bit of schizophrenia, and a touch of ass-burgers, with a coating of racism for flavor. Like what if everyone on the planet had some form, or another, of every basic social DISORDER. But for some odd reason, we can control or manipulate it so it does NOT affect our daily lives...much. Does that make us more crazy or less crazy?

Still not following? Well let me continue to digress. 

I am a HUGE fan of Orange is the New Black (Netflix me up and Netflix me out)! I love the second season more than the first season because it gave us a light into the lives of each of the inmates. And their back stories are oh so interesting. So much so that I am blogging about it.

Ladies and gentleman, boys and guhls, I now present to you the OitNB list of exaggerated mental behavior:

1.       Piper Chapman – the main character. Well-to-do young adult, engaged to a nice young man, somehow finds herself in state prison. She is constantly pretending she does NOT belong but it becomes more and more obvious that Piper is Superman-ing us. In reality, Superman is Superman. His disguise is Clark Kent. In reality, Piper Chapman is a damn criminal. She is a mischievous, troublesome, fighting, manipulating convict. Her disguise was pretending to be a normal person. Sociopath much?

2.       Alex Vause - Piper’s Ex-girlfriend and the reason Piper is in prison. In a recent turn of events, Piper has gotten Freed-Alex back into prison. Alex is a helpless romantic who don’t understand forgive and FORGET. She forgives and remembers. Out of everyone, she simply wants to do what’s right. And her good intentions got her back into prison. Dudley Do Right or Dudley Dumbass?

3.       Crazy Eyes – Poor, poor Suzanne. Black girl in a white home. She was always different and her parents sought to further destroy her (with good intentions #obvy). They made the mistake of enabling her and now she has been led down a path of social maturity in the wrong direction. It may take years, or better yet decades, to undo. As of now, she is a social outcast who can recite poetry and barely do her hair. She tends to break out in tantrums, such as pissing on the floor and beating the shit out of people. The only time she was close to okay was when she had a strong, female role model. So, rehabilitation for a person plagued with a touch of Aspergers’ and little-to-no sense of self?

4.       Sam Healy – This prison guard is living one of the saddest lives ever. First, he is a guard at a women’s prison (#BestJobEver?). Second, the only wife he could get was via purchase, i.e. a mail-order Russian bride. Third, he collects plastic bobble-head dolls. (Like not like normally, but obsessively... trust me, its creepy. in-T-way...) Fourth, he is strangely angry at all lesbians. I mean after his job and his wife, can you imagine that? I could name like five or six more things wrong with this man, but who has the time. At the end of the day, he is so close to the cuckoo’s nest that it’s incredible he is running the prison and not in it. Delusional and NOT an inmate.

5.       Pennsatucky – What can I say but she is crazy! The meth has ate up her mind and her first set of teeth. (In fact, it continues to eat up her mind and her second set of teeth.) She double-barreled, shot up an abortion clinic cause some idiot was talking shit about her. Not about her unborn child but about the fact that she can't use a damn condom. Again, instead of admitting to that VERY BLATANT truth, she is simply accepting the shit-ton of money from the Pro-Life Religious nuts (side note, how can you be pro-Life and support a person who took lives. i'm just saying, #MakeSense #its2015). Any-who, she riding the gravy train all the way to money-town!
Now I am all for letting out your emotions, but what The FCUK! Psychopath or simply smart enough to pretend to be religious? I don’t know. But a predisposition to violence and a high level of impulsiveness pushes me toward psychopath.

So the point I am trying to make is we all got our own shit to deal with. But who’s to say that we ain’t all one "watching the wrong porn on public wi-fi" or one "stolen credit card" or one "beating your girlfriend in an elevator" away from prison. And there, in prison, you can’t run and hide. You have face your demons, head on. As for me, I plan on conquering the world... just me and my demons. #ImCrazyJustNotCrazyEnough. Okay, I'm gone.

Michael Brown is Resting on my Spirit

I can’t get this Michael Brown non-indictment off my spirit. It is seriously screwing with me. I hate the whole situation, the verdict, the jury, the cops, the Black people of Ferguson, the White people of Ferguson, everything about it. Like, I am so distraught I can’t even direct my anger, sadness, optimism. Plus, it’s been a while since I blogged and writing is medicinal for me.

Therefore, just like everyone else, I will also volunteer my opinion. Here is a list of the various aspects that make me feel some kind of way:

-        No Clean Slate. Being completely objective is only something we can aim for. In reality, we all got our biases. Let’s try pretending we are aliens who are just jumping in this. We NEED to at least start with the presumption of innocence. Let’s assume said survivor of said confrontation is innocent and go from there.

-        Excessive much? So if we assume said officer was doing his job, why did he shoot 12 out of 13 times? He must have been threatened! He must have been attacked! He must have been caught off guard! He must have been something. Or else why would he shoot to damn near depletion. And was he saving the last bullet for something? I mean his basic story is kind of a stretch but whatever. Did he have a moment of temporary insanity or is the protocol to rapid-fire on unarmed robbers (and yes, Officer testimony admitted that he knew Mr. Brown was unarmed)? Which brings me to my next point.

-        Officer Training. It is apparent that the police in Ferguson can’t do their job. Not only did the crime scene photographer NOT take photos, but the 6-year veteran officer also did NOT even bring his stun gun because it was uncomfortable...bitch say wha?.... Basically, he didn’t have a chance to inhibit Mr. Brown. Plus, said veteran officer did not want to approach Michael Brown because he was afraid. I get it. Being a cop is dangerous. All the Kevlar in the world can’t protect you from a shot to the skull. But waiting for back-up and stalling from a single assailant seems silly. Kind of like you are increasing the number of possibilities and not taking control of the situation. Overall, training (or confidence in said training) is non-existent.

-        Michael Brown. Let’s be honest. Like for serious. He is 6 foot tall, thick, and intimidating. He aint no toothpick. Let’s stop kidding ourselves by calling him a gentle giant and over-victimizing the victim. He may have had gentle moments but this aint one of them. People gotta be more honest and admit that maybe he had a little more involvement than being gentle and getting murdered. Now even if he was or was not a shop-lifting criminal, he did push the SHIT out of homey in the store. So gentle aint it. But does that warrant a death? Prolly not. But then again, don’t go off assuming that children are angels sent from heaven when you know that’s not always the case. #SomalianChildSoldiers

-        Riots. Yes my people. We have a reason to be mad. They took our son. They took our brother. They have torn a household, a community, and our nation apart and will most likely face no repercussions. And even worse, this particular town in Ferguson has a history of STUPIDITY, such as buying cameras and not using them and charging arrested black men for dry cleaning when they bled too much on an officer. But should we retaliate by stealing bags of chips from Wawa? HELL NO. I mean there ain’t even logic in that. It’s stupid to riot. As justified as you may think, you are being stupid and playing into the very thing that they want you to do. Don’t let yourself be manipulated. Which leads me to my next point.

-        Who’s in Charge of Ferguson. This is a big point which I feel no one is talking about. Everything about Ferguson and the management of the trial can be explained in a simple word “thoughtless.” Who thought it was a good idea to violently arrest people who were peacefully protesting? Who thought it was a good idea to buy police cameras and not install them on the vests of police officers? Who thought it was a good idea to roll out the tanks and riot gear? Who thought it was a good idea to release the results of the trail at 8PM at night and not at 2PM the next day? Who thought it was a good idea to cancel school a day in advance, leaving these angry teenagers the right to hang out all hours of the night with academic consequences? There is way too much not thinking going on. But it’s not just the Caucasians in charge. Which leads me to my next point.

-        Not getting involved. Black people love to complain about how much we hate when things don’t go our way. We love to argue about how useless the government is. But the one time where we need to get involved, we don’t even do something as simple as register to vote (which, in this case, is a prerequisite for surviving in a jury). So how do you expect to change things if you do not ACT? I mean seriously, the jury was 75% White and the city is 65% (rough estimate) Black. That don’t make math. Short story, DO better. The two ways to change the system or to get involved or destroy it. Let’s try option A before option B? No. Okay whatever.

After everything discussed, what have we learned.

- America has a problem with EDUCATION. People choose to not think and readily accept whatever they hear. For instance, everyone assumed this Officer Wilson was wrong before they even knew his name or his veteran status or a single detail. They saw a dead black kid and police car and heard some eye witness acounts and was DONE. Day 1 the media put out “Don’t Shoot” hand signals and portrayed this cop to be some racist. I mean seriously, the media has as much of a part in the riots as the rioters. They are literally shit-starters and most of the country is falling right along in their bullshit. Is he a racist? Probably not. Is he a bitch-ass-scaredy-cat-Slyvester-looking-pussy? Yes, all day long. But you can’t assume every white person that shows a black person is racist. They could just be trigger happy. Even now as I am writing this, no one’s asked how many cops are killed on duty. Or how they are desperate to hire people because no one wants to protect and serve. This officer seems like a bottom-of-the-barrel-dumbass who was fortunate enough to make it this far in his career without needing to think. When judgment played a part in his job, he relied on his personal beliefs and went full throttle on a situation that required 1st gear. This situation alone has probably deterred the Ferguson Police department from hiring Blacks for the next 20 years. Which will lead to more scared white police "protecting" an even angrier Black population. Man, if only people would stop and think.

-        America has a problem with FEAR. Black people are systematically oppressed and are therefore afraid of the police. White officers are afraid/intimidated of Black people, specifically men. Both parties believe the only way out of this bad situation is by killing the opposition. These pre-conceived notions are dangerous. Call it prejudice or profiling or whatever, it’s wrong, and it’s a problem.

Or what do I know? Maybe I should shut the hell up. I’m just a squirrel tryna get a nut like everybody else.