So, it’s about 11AM on Optional Friday and I have opt-ed to NOT go to work . . . again (thank God for this new job). I lazily roll over the bed (And no! I didn’t fall off! What am I 4?). I turn on the TV and watch the crappy remains of what still seems to be the longest-running, highest-rated daytime game show, The Price is Right.
But no, no more Bob Barker. Apparently, he harassed one model too many (I always have to steal my kisses from you, #BenHarper). Now, we are stuck with the Slim Fast-drinking, Shaun T-loving, Subway-eating Drew Carey (and yes I am making fun of someone for being in shape. It’s called irony!). However, I digress.
I really put forth a commendable effort trying to enjoy the show, even with his bland comedy, when CBS treated me to a commercial break with a cherry on top. And then I saw it. The saddest fucking thing I have ever seen. I will even let you guess what it was:
A. The touching voice of Sarah McLachlan
B. The deeply saddened faces of tortured animals
C. All of the above for exactly 121 excruciating seconds
Correct Answer . . . C!
First of all, I want to mention that this Sarah broad is another damn Canadian who has the ability to sing into the coldest, darkest crevices of my heart and evoke a compassion I haven't felt since I believed in Santa #Throwback. We need to test the water and figure out what they are doing up there. But anyway, this whole Cruelty to Animals business made me sad.
As I wiped my tear-stained cheeks, I reflected on the remorse I felt for these animals. Once I got the “arms of an angel” chorus out of my head, it became abundantly clear that I do NOT give two shits about scruffy and misses minus one fluffy paw.
And don't judge me! You don't care either. Just like you, I was caught in the mood of the whole thing. After seeing dogs with broken legs, kittens missing eyes, you are overwhelmed with the whole cruelty of the situation. It's not right, but truly inspired to make a change? . . . I think not.
But then I thought deeper. There are people in the US who are living lives just as violent and depressing as these animals, but we don't help them! Somebody oughta make a program to help rescue these people. AND it should come with a similar, almost identical commercial:
Hi. I’m the president of AATCOS. Will you be an angel for a helpless gangbanger? Everyday innocent people are abused, beaten, and neglected . . . by gangsters and thugs. They are crying out for help! Please, call the number on your screen. Join the Adopt-A-Thug-Clean-Our-Streets program at AATCOS.com. Sign up and give a monthly gift, right now. For just 18 dollars a month, 60 cents a day, you can help rescue attackers and victims from the cyclic gang violence terrorizing our country. You’ll help rescue thugs from their dead-end lifestyles by providing medical care, food, shelter, and love. If you join right now, you’ll receive a Welcome Kit, with a photo of a disadvantaged youth. One who has been given a second chance, thanks to you.
Right now, there’s a thug who needs you. Your call says, I’m here to help. Please call, right now.
And you’re probably thinking, why should I care? I am no where near a ghetto or project or the trap. And to you I say, ha Ha HA! You think you are safe now? Wait until Lil DayLaShawnTay figures out there is more to get got! Save yourself the trouble and just give him a portion up front. Not only is this an investment that will save you money in the long run, but you are also freeing about 15 years of post-robbery, traumatic, socioeconomic-based stress which can only be treated by $175/hour therapy sessions.
Anyway, just a thought. But for serious, we, as in all of us, need to take personal responsibility for our neighborhoods. If we don’t take care of each other, and our pets, no one else will. #ThugLife
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