The Freud Theory on Heteros

So I was listening to this Katy Perry song about one of her ex-boyfriends. The lyrics are “you’re so gay and you don’t even like boys.” Instantly I had a newfound appreciation for Mrs. Perry. Why are so many straight men soooooooo gay?

And no I am not saying that the majority of males in the world have a secret alternate life where they dance in mirrors to Madonna with their penis tucked. That would be insane. I am referring to the double-standard of homosexuality.

SO there was this article released some time in the Spring-ish of 2012 about how all women are bisexual. My first immediate thought was errr WRONG. This is another one of those ploys that men with degrees make. I can guarantee a gang of geeks with Revenge of The Nerds on VHS and PornoTube.com as their most visited Mozilla Bookmark got together to make this “scientific justification,” proving for once and for all that the most popular sexual fantasy is REAL and happening all around them. The claims in this article make assumptions like:

Women kissing women is an act of lesbianism. Incorrect, some whores do this only to attract men. Fact: they wouldn’t dare try this with an out-ted lesbian or bisexual female. That would be gay.
Women saying another women is attractive is an act of lesbianism. Incorrect, being honest about how attractive another human is, male or female, is okay. Men do this all the time but aren’t vocal about it. Why else would a grown man get pictures of another grown man (Scarface, Bob Marley, David Beckham, etc.) and put it on their walls? By the way, gay is about intention. I know Arabic men who kiss each other on the lips and sit on each other’s laps. Gay and affection, not the same thing.
Women dating women is an act of lesbianism. This is one of those part-time lesbian tricks. It’s closer to being gay, but kinda not really. It is the same as working at Wal-Mart cause you got fired from your corporate job. I mean, yes, technically, you are working there. But, it’s out of desperation. Believe me, when it’s all said and done, that little in-between-job won’t make it to the final cut of your resume.

I know that all of the above may seem strange and complicated (if you think this, you must obviously have a penis) but women are strange and complex. Let me put it simply: a lesbian is a woman who wants a long-time, loving, heartfelt relationship with another woman. Lesbians buy houses with their girlfriends. Lesbians plan their lives together. Those women above, who are lustfully attracted to women due to some agenda either for or against guys, are just crazy bitches.

And another thing I hate about this article is how one sided it is. Let’s get real. Men are just as, if not more, gay than women are, on like a daily basis. Please review the following queer norms of men:

Men who pat other men on the ass. How many times have you seen a man slap another man on the ass? How the hell is that acceptable? And why do men do this? Where did this come from? Is it like one of those leftover traits that was a sign for gay-sex back in Ancient Rome, and now heteros have converted it into a sign of acceptable admiration. I mean seriously, the fuck?
Men who want to fuck women in the ass.This one I really don’t get. How dare you call yourself straight and you want to stick your penis up the poop shoot? There is nothing more gay than that. It is the literal act of a homosexual man. Take some time to have a honest conversation with yourself about why this is one of your fantasies. Then, get back to me.
Men who want to wrestle other men.This is one of the gayest things that straight men do. And the worst part is it especially happens when they are drunk. You know what they say about a drunk mind committing sober thoughts. I’m just saying.

I think when it comes to the gay question, I have to agree with Sigmund Freud. He had this idea that every person is born bisexual. I think there is a lot of truth to that. It explains how both genders are able to commit homosexual acts and it not be so absurd. I mean how else do you explain that both sexes have two erogenous zones producing orgasmic climaxes?

1.       Gräfenberg Spot –female sexual organ associated with heterosexual intercourse. Found inside the vagina

2.       Clitoris – female sexual organ associated with lesbian intercourse. Found outside the vagina

3.       Foreskin – male sexual organ associated with heterosexual intercourse. Found on the penis

4.       Prostate gland – male sexual organ associated with gay intercourse. Found in the rectum

Fact: Both genders have sexual organs that encourage both homo and hetero sexual intercourse.

You kinda have to ask yourself WHY GOD would give us that option. I mean, HE doesn't make mistakes right? #Deep. 

So really the gay question is more of a preponderance of evidence than beyond reasonable doubt. It's not murder yall. Its just a rainbow.