Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The Immigration Problem - A Satire



I rarely speak in AIM, but capital O, capital M, capital G. Why is it that everywhere I look, I see more and more freaking immigrants! It’s like they have taken over!! It’s worse than the cat-apocalypse (coming soon to a city near you)!

Usually, I am not Republican but there is one thing that I agree with Romney and Ol’ Blue Eyes; we have a serious immigration problem.

They have turned this country upside down, murdering the few of us who are left. They want to take our government. They want to ruin our ozone. And worst of all, #TheyTookOurJobs (Southpark reference)

I see how they do it, too, those conniving little jerks. They sneak in this country, learn our language, and fork like rabbits! And once their sperm-babies get their green cards, those babies have babies. And then those babies have U.S. citizenship. And then, those babies have babies. And soon, before you know it, WE are speaking THEIR language, because generations and generations of immigrants in this country are calling this their land.

Well I have had enough! The real Americans are basically out-numbered. I, in my powerless, ordinary, average manner, decree all non- natural citizens of the United States to get up and leave NOW. If your parents, or your grandparents, or your great grandparents were of immigrant-decent, pack up and go. In fact, if you have no sign of Native American blood, just leave.

Yeah, that’s right. I said it, NATIVE AMERICAN. RED INDIAN! If you couldn’t tell by my blatant sarcasm, I was joking. The point I am trying to make is every “American” is NOT American. We are all some descendant of some immigrant who flew persecution to find safety and well being in this country (Note: This is true, unless you’re Black. For us, immigrants brought us here as slaves. So, I vote, since it wasn’t our choice, we get US citizenship by default. But I digress.).

Even the founding fathers (Franklin, Washington, Hamilton, Hancock, etc.) were British. Think about it: the American Constitution was signed by a bunch of guys who weren’t from America. They weren’t real Americans, and yes most had allegiance to their immigrant nation. Can you imagine, voting for a president with dual citizenship? So unheard of!

Also, another interesting note, Benjamin Franklin, who earned the title the First real American, was London-born. This man is on the $100 bill, American currency, and he isn’t even from this country. That’s like if we put David Beckham on the quarter. I mean he lives here now, but he’s not really from here . . . but that’s okay!

I, honestly, think it is hilarious that politicians forget their own immigrant background. And their constituents are, as equally, full of hypocrisy. In actuality, if America had not been the self-proclaimed immigrant nation, with the loosest laws/policies/lack-thereof, most of everyone's ancestors wouldn’t have gotten in this country. The same laws they want to uphold, would have left them out of their own home. . . oh, life is so circular, Simba.

Imagine a USA with only Native Americans. For instance, according to the 2010 census, only 1.7% of the US population is of Native American descent. That means about 98% of America is not American. Ninety eight percent!

And don’t get me started with the Washington Redskins football team, Cleveland Indians baseball team, and the other bajillion blatantly racist teams we have here in our “Politically Correct” nation. I read about the trials and the defense of the sports teams. Their argument is that they are merely promoting the culture by displaying the heroism associated with the race. Hmmm. So, if I called my soccer team the Spanish Conquistadors and put Mexicans in chains, I would be wrong because that’s racist or because it is negative? Note to all reading, you can’t tell someone you’re not being racist when they are of the race you are offending. By offending them, you are being racist. Plain and simple.

All in all, don’t be a hypocrite. Treat others the way you want them to treat yo mamma . . . who’s butt is so big, when she bent over she got arrested for selling crack. Boom!


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