The Mayans and the Aliens and Everybody Else

Let me begin by saying humanity is hysterical, and I laugh at those who refuse to question what they see, read, hear, overhear, eavesdrop-and-record, etc. And you wonder how magicians and motivational speakers are so successful. 

Any-who, 2012 is a big year. Apparently, the world is going to end . . . again, and we have to prepare for the poles shifting coupled with an alien invasion, or something. Me and my fascination with the masses (we are dating now and things are going great!) have been reading, researching, and reasoning these popularized Mayan predictions. My conclusion is history reveals some interesting facts about them, some good and some bad. Before I begin, let me preface with a little advice: Don’t buy a bunker. That’s stupid. Read a book.

Alright! So, as mentioned before, the Mayans were an interesting group of people. Some like to put these guys in a category of people called futurologists, a culture or group of people who attempt to systematically predict the future. And in fact, they were quite accurate about some things. Most of these events involved global and solar patterns. For instance, they predicted that the sun, the Earth, and the Milky Way will align in 3,000 years (from their time, not ours). This would not have been so amazing, had this galactic alignment only been true every 26,000 years. How could they have possibly known what happened 23,000 years ago would again happen in 3,000 years? No answer.

**SPOLIER ALERT = CRAZY MOMENT**

I would like to throw in my two cents (of ridiculousness) that the Mayans may have had some outsider help, i.e. alien assistance. Crop circles, which are our ONLY proof of alien existence, occasionally mimic Mayan symbology. So, either
1. Aliens and the Mayans were homies, or
2. Some really intelligent group of people are hilarious!
Either way, there is no answer to that question. Let’s get back on subject.

The Mayans also had a very accurate understanding of human behavior. Their religious prophecy is actually coming true now. Since the Earth is aligning with all these planets and approaching the end of its cycle, it is going through some, for lack of a better word, “changes.” Record-holding hurricanes, volcanoes, earthquakes, and other earthly PMS have plagued our planet. And in response, people are losing their gosh-diddly mindsets. The first part of the Mayan religious prophecy is that self-serving egos will control and deceive people in incredible amounts of mass hysteria. Check! The second part of the prophecy is for those who seek hope to re-align with their true eternal self. In short, crazy weather will make people freak out and hold on to whatever crap they hear, until they think for themselves and have a truly profound awakening. Part 2 is coming to a city near you.

Despite their alien assistance and societal awareness, the Mayans weren’t so good at predicting their own fate. Their civilization was captured by the Spaniards, forever ruining their cosmic pursuit of happiness. 

Be warned, joke #1: If they weren’t too busy looking at the stars, they might have been able to see the Spanish coming-a-blazing. 

It gets worse, joke #2: I guess their alien homeboys weren’t around for the Spanish invasion. . . or aliens are vaginas. 

However, I digress.

As mentioned before, the Mayans were correct about the earth’s 26K-cycle. Indeed, there are signs that the earth’s poles are shifting. So what does that mean for you? In truth, no one knows. But here is my un-edumucated guess: NOTHING. For instance, every 11 years the sun’s poles shift. And in my blessed 24 years of life, I have survived that . . . twice. And I am going to jump out on a limb and say I am unphased by the sun’s polar shift changes. 

“But the sun and the earth are different!” you may be thinking. Correct, the sun is just the center of the solar system, whose gravitational pull has a massive domino effect on all the planets therein, moons, stars, and any comets in the vicinity. Right. Its poles shifting may have changed nothing since Bill Clinton was in office and people wore Condoms for fashion (#LisaLeftEyeLopes #RIP), but the Earth is different. What can we expect from sensitive, emotional, always-picked-last-for-dodgeball Earth? I mean, it is the only planet that has the ecological capabilities to store life.

Fact: Earth is over 4 billion years old. So, it’s not as young and immature as I may have implied earlier. This 26K-cycle is analogous to Earth’s menstrual period coming back to upgrade its uterus. 

Fact: Humans have inhabited the earth for over 200,000 years. So, mankind has been through 10 of these half-marathon-cycle periods. If we can survive the earth’s freezing, the earth's flooding, Atlantis disappearing, and Joe on Blue’s Clues, I think we can handle whatever is next. 

Bring it on!